Read Before Proceeding: Disclaimers and Intent of Blog

This blog is primarily a way for me to work through things on my mind. If you happen to be reading the entries found here, you can treat them as insights into my head.  Note that these are ever-evolving opinions, and only represent what is on my mind at a specific moment in time.

More than likely, if I actually know you and you mention reading this, it will embarrass me. I pretend no one reads this in order to sort through my thoughts in a semi-filter-free environment.

In other words, feel free to read, comment, and question, but keep in mind these are specific moments of particular thoughts that may still merit conversation for complete understanding. I make no promises to be entertaining, provoking, or interesting because this is a place of sanctuary for my mind.

5/26

Left the Crucible bloody, bruised, sore, and nearly broken; had a nonconsensual interaction with a set of stairs. This morning I was barely able to move because of the pain. I popped some ibuprofen, which has helped make walking easier, but the timing for this couldn’t be worse. I need all my facilites on board for this move.

Went to College Night last night, which was good. I still had all my usual pre-event anxiety, but it was good to get out and meet new people. I’m still attracted to engineering types, apparently. I’m also still a pretty intense pain slut. I really love rough body play. I like the intimacy with the person hurting me and the pure strength and surrender. It’s a type of pain that is easier for me to endure, but it still pushes my limits.

My roommates have vanished, and neither one took care of their trash and crap. I’m getting kind of sick of this. I mean, really, how hard is it to take responsibility for your own mess? If it’s YOUR furniture, deal with it! If your cat ruined the carpets, pay for the replacement and/or cleaning. Moreover, if you have someone moving in with you, wait to decide on decor until you’re all present, and leave room for their furnishings too. It’s everyone’s home, not just one roommate’s. I can’t wait to have my own place.

Day 13, 30 Days of Kink

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Kink and BDSM appeal to me for multiple reasons; I’ll walk through them each briefly.

First, the community around kink, or “the scene,” is incredible. There are so many welcoming, friendly, open-minded people who are dedicated to pursuing their passions, living true to themselves, trying new things, and enjoying life to the fullest. These are all things that are paramount in how I choose to live my life, and so there is a certain kinship amongst these kinky people. I’ve never been anywhere else where I could speak so openly about such personal things without feeling judged for it. Moreover, the kinky community makes living in such a large city feel like a small town, and I enjoy that. Other “pre-built” communities such as religious groups or book clubs are great and some may be comparable, but the community aspect of kink is still a huge draw for me.

Next, kink/BDSM is largely about pursuit of peace and pursuit of pleasure. When I’m bottoming or submitting to someone, when I’m crying out from the pain or reveling in bondage, I get great peace. I am able to center myself, focus, and relax. I don’t have to worry about the logistics or anyone other than my partner. I don’t have to control everything. It’s hard for me trust people and surrender control, but in this scene it is such a verbalized, negotiated exchange that I am able to do so, and that surrender is astoundingly gratifying. Moreover, I get off on a lot of the things I do in the kinky world. Being dominated is hot. Pain can be hot. I also find pleasure in the “oooh toys, fun!” type of way. I have a genuinely good time when I’m doing kink stuff or hanging out with kinky people, and that appeals to me.

Kink appeals because of the ability to strengthen relationships. The amount of communication and trust needed to make all of this work in a SSC way surpasses any in my past vanilla experiences, and I like that. There is more intimacy. The focus on sex usually results in more sexual freedom, experimentation, and passion in the relationship which also appeals.

The kinky community allows me to push my limits. I love adventure, challenges, and trying new things. I like to experience as much as I can. I am relatively competitive, and kind of stubborn. I enjoy being able to test my endurance and pain tolerance, to explore unknown territories. BDSM is just one more avenue for me to let this part of my personality reign free.

The psychological and sociological influences and impact fascinate me, and that curiosity is satisfied by participating in kink. I’m kind of a nosy person (this blog has inquisitive in the title for a reason), and I like learning. I like learning about other people, their kink and their sex lives, why they do what they do, etc. I like seeing other people have fun, and in doing so learning things to make my life even fuller. I’m curious. I want to know as much as possible about kink and BDSM because of what it means to individuals, and because of what it means as part of society and our culture.

There may be more than that, but for now this is what I can think of. I’m sure I’ll edit/update later.

Now, as for why I am drawn to the things I am drawn to?

I’m a control freak (that hates being in control) who likes organized social activities, with a high sex drive and a very curious and adventurous nature…If I had to guess, I’d say all of the above stems from those parts of my personality.

Day 12, 30 Days of Kink

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

This one’s easy, and recalls an experience I had about a month ago. I’m an active member of the Washington, DC kink community, including the DC Rope group. One of DR’s goals is to bring educational rope events to the local community, and in April they brought in Midori, a well-known rope educator/expert. There were two days of classes, one focusing on her speciality of rope dance, and the other combining rope speed and flow and predicament bondage. I only attended the second day. I attended the event with a friend who I’d played with a good deal before, so we’re comfortable with one another, joking/laughing/talking during play was normal.

Anyhow, the speed and flow class involved choosing one tie, and then you first had ten minutes to tie your partner. The partners would then switch – everyone had to do all parts of the class (no pure top/bottoming). Since I normally stick to being a rope bottom, this was new territory for me. After we’d done it once that way, we then repeated the drill with less time, one handed with our dominant hand, one handed with our non-dominant hand, and then blindfolded. You can imagine that this was entertaining in and of itself.

Thing is, Midori is known for her rope dance, which involves creating connection with your partner and maintaining it throughout a scene. She emphasizes physicality during play, and throwing your partner around is highly encouraged. My friend and I kept getting scolded for not playing rough enough during the first few drills. So, we got more playful, and while I was tying him up, top that he is, he kept trying to overpower me. Since he’s a decently strong and large man (over 6′), and I’m not that great a rigger, he was succeeding, and it started cracking me up. This continued throughout the rest of the class, and the look Midori gave us was priceless. We definitely got the “Behave, children!” glare a few times. For wrestling in a bondage class, after being told to get physical. Maybe you had to be there, but I found it really funny at the time and still do.

Plus, added bonus – I learned that I can enjoy rigging and I’m not half bad at it. The class also spawned an idea for a scene that purposely involved a guy letting me tie him up only to be overpowered and taken down (hot, right? I think so.).

Personally, I’d much rather take my kink with a healthy dose of humor. Laughing and joking really helps me relax into the situation and enjoy myself more. If I’m not comfortable enough to tease/snark/laugh, than I usually spend too much time over-thinking things and not enough time enjoying myself.

Day 11, 30 Days of Kink

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

This one was a bit harder for me. Honestly, any discussion of ethics just implies this level of deep philosophical thought that kind of overwhelms me a bit these days. That said, I want to move forward with this journaling exercise, so I can’t avoid this question anymore.

For me, the short and simple answers here are SSC and RACK – Safe, Sane, and Consensual and Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Kinky folks should be honest and communicate with one another, be as safe as they can be and ensure that they are aware of risks involved, and only play when consent is given.

Personally, I take it a bit farther than this. I need to stay within the general letter of the law for professional purposes. Respect for others’ limits and privacy is paramount for me.

The truth is, beyond the above, I don’t know my views on the ethics of kink. They’re sort of ever-changing. While my parents are actually pretty liberal, I was raised in the Catholic church until I was 13. I then was nearly raised by my Mormon best friend’s family for the remainder of high school. I used to think sex should only occur in a relationship leading towards marriage, as in a very serious LTR. I used to think that nudity should only happen between lovers in the bedroom. I used to think that kink was ok, but only in the context of a loving relationship where two partners are exploring their sexuality as a means to connect more deeply to one another.

Those thoughts never fully left my mind. I struggle with whether or not my participation in kink is right or wrong. Logically, as long as the things at the beginning of this post are followed, I don’t see kink or my involvement in it as wrong. Spiritually, however, I’m not sure. Part of me feels that God wouldn’t condemn us so long as we are safe, consensual, and honest with ourselves and our partners. If what we are doing does no harm and makes us happy, than why would it be wrong? Other parts of me still debate whether or not sexual activity should be much more refined in order to maintain a level of purity and righteousness more in accordance with most religious groups.

That second part resurfaces whenever I think about attending services or spend too much time with some of my more religious friends. I don’t disagree with their views or what religion says specifically, but I don’t necessarily fully agree with the interpretation as it applies to modern life. My spirituality lacks a label, and the ambiguity sort of carries over to how strict of a moral standard I should follow, and what role society and peers (both kink and religious) should have in forming that standard. Have you ever tried to form an opinion without ANY outside influence? It’s not simple or easy, and really just requires trying things out, going with your gut, and letting experience, faith, and intuition lead the way.

I don’t have the answers here, even though I wish I did. Right now, I approach each event and opportunity within kink independently. If I feel mentally, emotionally, and physically at ease with the situation, I proceed, following the SSC/RACK guidelines. I’ve learned that communication and honesty are really key, from negotiations to romantic intent to sexual safety, and I know to communicate about all of those things before proceeding. I’m cautious about my partners and their limits, romantic entanglements, and safety, and I do my best to follow the law. That’s my ethics of kink in a nutshell.

For other answers that approach this well, see below.  The first one is particularly insightful; I agree with everything written. (Clearly I blanked with this prompt…)

• Bound By Love: 30 Days of Kink
• Impassioned Platypi: 30 Days of Kink
• Pieces of Jade: 30 Days of Kink
• A Dominant’s Journal: 30 Days of Kink
• Kink and Mental Health: The Ethics and Legality of Consent (A Submissive’s Guide)

5/18

So, I’ve been a bit AWOL for a bit, meaning this might be a long one. I finally have a few minutes to myself, so I’m trying to sort my thoughts. It’s amazing how much this blog really helps me process and rid my mind of anxiety.

For the quick recap, I finished all my classes about two weeks ago, and I finished my capstone project last week. Last week I started moving stuff to my new apartment, which also meant sorting through all of my stuff and cleaning. I did paint my new room, though, which was fun and satisfying. I then traveled to Indiana, then to Arkansas, and now am about to head to Pittsburgh for graduation. My parents will then take me back to DC, stay for a few days, and then a friend is in town for a day. I then have quick turnaround before I finish the move. I have a week post-move to settle in and finish setting up my new place/relax, then I head to Boston for a week. I get back from Boston and have a friend visiting for a week, then I start my new job. The next weekend is Fusion…essentially, it’s go-go-go until late June.

One of the hard things about leaving town and being so busy these few weeks is that it means a distinctive break from kinky events. I feel like I’m missing a ton of stuff, but I think timing is part of it. I want to maintain good friendships and relationships I have with people, and play with some of the folks I’ve met recently, but alas it isn’t to be. I missed Rapture, and I’m missing a movie night, the DC rope play party, and a few munches/classes of interest. I also am not attending Shibaricon, which blows. I’m hoping to attend College Night, Dirty Things, and the Wykd_Dave classes while I’m in town at the end of the month, and hopefully I can keep my nerve to attend those things alone.

I tried to find some more kink-appropriate clothing, but my success has been limited. I even went to the porn store here in my Indiana town. The clothing was all so cheaply made or in garish colors, so I stuck with some fishnets. I really want something with garters that is well made and fits properly, preferably in black. I did purchase a new vibrator, which is exciting, as well as my first ever bottle of lube. Figured it was about time for that. My sister is all up in my business now, and is pretty much completely aware of my kink involvement. For all her drama and craziness, she really cares about me and I do love her. I wish we could have a closer relationship, but it’s hard being so far away.

One weird thing about being back in Indiana is that I have this strange confidence here that I don’t have in DC. I think I still feel kind of intimidated by all the sophistication and urbanity of the city. I feel HBIC enough when I’m home that I have a certain confidence, and flirting seems much easier. I know how to tease and smile in such a way that I can draw men in. In DC, I usually end up too shy or insecure to pull that off. I need to figure out how to eliminate that nervousness. –> Goal for the summer.

One of the big things going on in my life right now is finishing graduate school. It’s bittersweet. I’ll miss the excitement of choosing new classes and reading the syllabus for the first time, of seeing which faces are in your class and getting to know new classmates. I’ll miss the engaging discussions and “forced” activities. I’ll miss regularly seeing the friendly faces of my peers, the faculty, and the staff. I’m ready to be done with school, and in a few ways it’s a liberating change, but I’m going to miss so much. It has been an amazing 2 years. $72,000 in debt…but I have a future and a life right now that I didn’t have before. I found out that I’m going to be graduating with distinction, which is also a very proud moment for me. I didn’t think I’d get there. The final stretch with the capstone project was really rough – we had a teammate plagiarize, and our advisor didn’t fairly award grades. It’s over and finished, though, so even though our final product was not up to my standards, it was enough to graduate us all, so I can’t complain.

Moving has been a whole other set of stress and drama. I have so much stuff I’m getting rid of, and a lot of stuff that needs to be tailored if I want to keep it. I’ve lost a good deal of weight since last summer, and as a result my clothes are all out of whack. I also had boxes I hadn’t even opened in the year since moving from Pittsburgh, which is pathetic. I’ve organized and sorted everything I’ve packed and moved, and I’ve been trying to clean house. I do need a new bra and some new denim shorts/capris, but I think I’ll wait until June to fill those gaps. I also am debating buying a bed (as in headboard/footboard). I really want one, especially one that has some way of tying rope/cuffs to it, but it’s a bit pricey (approximately $1000), so I haven’t fully mentally committed to it yet. I feel like buying furniture is a very adult thing to do, and I’m not quite there.

With that, I still have to apply for a loan for my car, get it inspected, and then title/register it in VA. I also need to get a new license and register to vote, and then figure out cell phone plans/bills. All part of being a “real” adult for once. When I start my new job, I’ll be picking out insurance plans and finding doctors in VA, and things will get really real.

Making all of these transitions even more difficult, my parents are strongly considering downsizing into a downtown condominium. They currently have a 5 bedroom house, so this is a HUGE change for them. If things go as my dad wants, they’ll be moved by October. I’m at our house for one day in between traveling, and this very well could be my last time stepping foot in my childhood home. I’m freaking out a little bit. They have so much furniture and so many things they’re going to be getting rid of that I wish I could have, but I won’t be here to go through it, and I don’t have the money to store it nor the space to take it now. I had about 600+ books here, and I got rid of half today – the used bookstore gave me $55. For $2100 worth of books. It wouldn’t be that bad, only I would’ve kept them were my parents waiting 2 years to move. If I had my car here to take as much as I wanted, I’d have kept them all. As it stands, I’m taking 3 boxes of stuff, and leaving about a box of stuff for them to store. I’m trying not to get too upset about leaving all of my things behind.

My mom, of course, is not happy at all with the moving thing primarily because it means getting rid of so many things. She’s very materialistic, but also these things represent the last 30 years of her life. They mean something to her, or she wouldn’t have them. My dad keeps claiming it’s only stuff, but to her it’s more than that. I understand both sides. Simplifying life and limiting the number of possessions you have makes logical sense. It’s practical. I’ve just been doing that for a few weeks. That said, sometimes “stuff” is more than that, and there is meaning attached. Even if it sits in a box or in a corner, there is comfort taken from having it because you know it’s there. If something so small can add comfort or stability to your life, what’s the harm? I know my mom borders hoarders, but still, there’s merit to her depression this time.

I’m not sure what will end up happening, but the whole thing just further reinforces that there is no going home now, no going back. I’ll never again be living at home. I won’t even be home for more than a day or two. I won’t get to spend time with my family except once or twice a year for a few days. As much as they’re nuts, I love them and family is very important to me. It’s so hard living so far away. I wish I was close enough to come visit more frequently, but the jobs I want just aren’t out there. Then, of course, I start debating going back into local government. I know on many levels I’d be happy doing that type of work. Only now, my life is built in DC – my friends are all in DC, not in my hometown. Indianapolis has more folks, but it isn’t my community like DC is.  When I’m living day to day life in DC, I don’t feel homesick all the time because I keep myself too busy and fulfilled for that, but when I go home I get so comfortable and it’s just HOME, and it makes me wish for things to be a little different. All this change and upset at once is just difficult. Growing up isn’t easy.

Day 10: 30 Days of Kink

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

My hard limits primarily focus on things that are illegal, things that I find absolutely repulsive, things that would harm me mentally/emotionally, and things that would permanently alter or damage my body. There are other things that scare me, that I’m mildly to moderately disturbed by, or that I’m not comfortable with, but those are slightly softer limits. For me, softer limits mean that in time, with the right person, and with an extreme amount of trust and communication, I may be willing to try it. The things below are things that I do not anticipate ever being willing to do.

“Things that are illegal” includes the following things:

• anything sexual with children
• anything sexual with animals
• actual rape
• actual kidnapping
• indecent public exposure (to the point of being arrested, not just mild slutty-ness)
• drug use
• anything explicitly breaking the law that isn’t written here; if there’s a chance it could get me arrested, I can’t participate

“Things that I find absolutely repulsive” includes the following things:

• vomit
• scat
• insects/creepy crawlies
• extreme watersports (my interpretation of this being the drinking of urine; milder play of being urinated on is a slightly softer limit for me)

“Things that would harm me emotionally/mentally” refers to anything that I’m not ok with, not out of fear for my safety but for a variety of reasons in my head. This category includes the following things:

• abandonment/purposeful ignoring
• degradation
• extreme objectification
• adult baby and diapers
• public humiliation
• cuckolding
• hypnosis
• pony play
• gun play

“Things that would permanently damage or extremely alter my body” includes the following things:

• cutting or shaving my hair or eyebrows
• branding
• tattoos
• plastic surgery

Related Posts:

• Fetishes and Limits
• Day 2 of 30 Days of Kink: List Your Kinks

Another Evolutionary Change

I’m not bisexual. The thought of eating a girl out is not hot, but frightening and a little off-putting. When presented with boobs, I get timid and weird. I’ve thought about women and sex before, but it was never a hot thing to me. I do find the female form very attractive, but I’m not as sexually attracted to it, if that makes sense.

Thing is, when I was about 10 I had a forced female encounter with someone close to me. For a long time, even the thought of doing things with females brought up that memory, which I didn’t want to do. I’m still not sure how present the memory would be in current activities.

All that aside, I like women. I like submitting to their sadism. As hot as a sadistic man is, I like sadistic women as well – I like the genuine glee and giggle that tends to accompany it. I like snuggling with women, which lends itself well to aftercare. I don’t mind being touched by a woman. I don’t believe I’d mind making out with a woman. It’s just when it comes to me touching her that I’m still uncomfortable. So, this makes it easy to play with a woman just for a scene with limited sexual interaction, but more than that is up in the air.

Since it really isn’t fair to not return the favor, I’m not sure what, if anything, I’ll ever do along this vein. That said, I find the idea of being co-topped by a male and female, whether a couple or friends or whatever, really hot. In Pittsburgh last year the thought occurred to me and was a kind of hot fantasy, and now it’s back. I think the key here is that I have to really like the people involved, there has to be a certain level of snark and playfulness, and then my comfort allows me to go there in my head. Again, though, given my hesitancy at sexually interacting with women and my uncertainty about how far I could go in terms of me administering pleasure, I’m not sure I’ll ever try to pursue this. But, I do find it hot.

Looking Forward

It’s been over a year since I’ve posted about what I’m looking for, and well, a lot has changed. I’ve dated several different folks, some seriously, some involving power exchange. I’ve played much more frequently, made many more kinky friends, and attended a bunch more events. In general, I’ve gained confidence, experience, and knowledge about myself and my desires. The biggest lesson from all of that – I’m still figuring it out. I have no idea what labels best apply for me or what I’m looking for. In the meantime, some things hold true.

First and foremost, I’m still looking to make meaningful friendships with like-minded people. Should that involve or evolve into a play partner scenario, great. Friends who play together stay together .  As long as I know it’s not a romantic thing and is a play thing up front, play partner situations work for me. Sex may or may not be included in that type of relationship, depending on the chemistry, safety, and comfort with the person and our respective romantic situations.

Second, I’m always looking for people to do rope with. If we can laugh together and there’s a decent comfort level, I’m definitely interested in rope bottoming, and sometimes I may even agree to tie folks up myself. Rope can be with any gender, for fun, mental release, practice, or more than that, depending on the person/people I’m doing it with.

Third, I’m looking for a kinky boyfriend. I want to find someone intelligent with an active sense of humor. Preferably, this person would be able to hang out with my vanilla and my kinky friends, and would share common interests. At the very least, this guy has to be relatively adventurous. In a perfect world, this person would be into rope/bondage and sadistic, and would not already be in another serious romantic relationship.* Unlike past parts of life, I’m seeking something that could potentially be more serious. I’m finally at a place in my life where I have the time and energy to be actively, regularly involved with one person.

The big points here are that 1) I’m actually ok with being in a more serious relationship, which until now I really haven’t felt prepared for given my schedule and commitments, and 2) I’m no longer seeking a power exchange relationship.

In general, I’ve been feeling less submissive and more switchy as time has gone on. While I still feel submissive with some people, it’s rare, and it’s limited. I’m more than willing to be submissive in the bedroom as part of my relationship, but I do want to be able to play around and occasionally struggle for power or turning the tables. While I’m a people pleaser and I generally avoid arguments and try to make my partner happy in lots of little ways, I also am not ok with being bossed around mindlessly or being micromanaged. The thought of a M/s or 24/7 D/s relationship stresses me out more than it appeals to me at this point.

*It isn’t a perfect world. As such, the “into rope/bondage,” “sadistic,” and “not already involved” parts are kind of flexible.

1) Rope and bondage are definitely huge turn-ons for me, even so much as to approach fetish level. Despite that, again, I wouldn’t say that they are at this point necessary to my happiness so much as enhancers of it.

2) The sadistic part would be great. I like pain, and I have a lot of fun playing with it. That said, at this point in my life I haven’t determined it to be a necessary thing so much as an added bonus one. Until I discover otherwise, it’s part of my ideal relationship but isn’t a requirement of all potential relationships.

3) My take on polyamory is constantly evolving. For play partner scenarios or more casual relationships, I’m fine with things being open or getting involved with people as their secondary (or whatever) partners. That said, for me to commit my heart fully to someone, I do need to be their primary partner, and levels of openness or monogamy can be discussed between the two of us. I’m inclined to say that I’m monogamous for LTRs, but it really all depends on the person I’m in a relationship with, the trust level, and the type of poly/openness.

5/1

I spent several hours talking with my current roommates tonight, and I feel much reassured about the world (especially my part of it).

I’ve been worried an inexplicable amount about not having friends or people to hang out with after school is over and I move out of my current living situation. It’s crazy, but I’ve never not been in school or some other structured setting. It’s scary because it’s an uncertainty.

Tonight, I realized there are way too many things I can do to keep myself from being in a friendless state. First off, I have a lot of people in town that I can’t connect with because of my current schedule, so having more time means more, not less, friends to do things with. Moreover, there are endless kinky events I could attend, and I could foster the relationships I have with those people. Plus, of course, my current friends in my program and my roommates now aren’t going to ditch me because we graduate – if they didn’t like hanging out with me, they wouldn’t have kept doing it all the last two years.

But, should I end up with too much time and not enough social life, there are options! I can join my sorority’s local alumni group, which has book clubs, brunch clubs, and volunteer activities. I can take an art class! The Art League in Alexandria offers a stained glass class, a ceramics class, and an intro photography class that all appeal greatly. I could join a choral group; there are several audition-only groups that meet once a week and have regular performances. This would require some practice since I haven’t done sight reading in a good 6 years, but my voice still sounds good. Plus, there are hundreds of interesting groups on Meetup.com – board games, wine lovers, foodies, book clubs, outdoor adventures, french language and culture, the list goes on.

I’m going to be meeting a helluva lot of people in the next few months, and I already know quite a few. I need to relax about it. I know this anxiety stems from my disgusting habit to always worry about something, and I have nothing else to be anxious about right now, but I’m letting it go!

On a random ironic note, now that my job and roommate situations are all finalized, I’ve had two employers seek me out and a roommate seek me out in the last 24 hours. What’s in the air?

Lastly, my roommate discussion led to talking about how in DC, so many people define themselves by their work. I realized that I don’t define myself by my job, but rather the parts of my personality that allow me to succeed at my job. I place a lot of my self worth in my commitment to public service; my adventurous, openminded attitude; my dedication to compromise and efficiency; and my curiosity, passion, and enthusiasm. Those things are all considered strengths in my field, which is why the two associate, but on the whole these characteristics are how I “define” myself rather than by what I do. What I do changes, but these things don’t.

Day 9, 30 Days of Kink

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Surprisingly, this one threw me. I don’t know a lot of scene music. I did extensive research to figure out what songs could be kinky, the results of which are below. For me, I prefer “Tainted Love” by Night Shifters and “I’m a slave for you” by Brittany Spears as kinky songs I enjoy. I also like S&M by Rihanna, which is cliche but has a soft spot in my heart since it has played during every kink event I’ve ever attended. Most kinky music is heavy metal, which isn’t really my style. It’s great for background music, but I like songs I can sing along or dance along to, hence my choices.

For people’s pleasure and the ease of setting up playlists, here’s a huge list of both kinky and generally erotic song choices. If you need a song list for a play party or something to strip to, here you go.